155: How to Communicate about Something You've Been Avoiding

155: How to Communicate about Something You've Been Avoiding

Aug 22, 2018 |

You know those things in your relationship that you don't talk about? Over time, they will drain the energy, passion, and vitality from your connection. In today's episode, I'll walk you through the process of how (and why) to communicate about the things that you avoid - to give you the best chance of finally resolving those things and moving on. You can tackle something big first, or you can start with something smaller and build on your success. Either way, my goal for you is to be able to collaborate with your partner on getting through the challenging conversations - so that you can have more energy for connection and growing your relationship.

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154: What's Different and What's Universal - Gay Male Relationships - with Rick Miller

154: What's Different and What's Universal - Gay Male Relationships - with Rick Miller

Aug 14, 2018 |

If you’re in a same-sex relationship, do the rules change? Or are there universal principles of relationship that foster intimacy and passion no matter what kind of relationship you’re in? Today’s guest is Rick Miller, author of Mindfulness Tools for Gay Men in Therapy and Unwrapped: Integrative Therapy with Gay Men. Rick Miller has also been featured at the Couples Conference, and is on the faculty for Esther Perel’s Sessions Live 2018. Rick and I chat about the unique challenges faced by same-sex couples, particularly gay men in relationship. How do you address the uniqueness, while at the same time staying true to what we know about what works in relationships? In this far-ranging conversation, we cover the particulars as well as what we can all learn from how to have a successful same-sex relationship.

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153: Turn Blame into Something Positive - with Neil Sattin

153: Turn Blame into Something Positive - with Neil Sattin

Aug 8, 2018 |

Are you someone who blames yourself when things go wrong? Or do you tend to blame other people? Even though we might think of blame as a negative thing, in today's episode I'm going to show you how to use your blame (whether it's self-directed or pointed at others) to truly learn and grow when things don't turn out quite as you're expecting. This 4-step process will transform your experience of blame, so that it becomes a way to deepen your connection with yourself and others.

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152: Get Unstuck and onto the Same Team - Relationship Development with Ellyn Bader and Peter Pearson

152: Get Unstuck and onto the Same Team - Relationship Development with Ellyn Bader and Peter Pearson

Jul 31, 2018 |

As your relationship changes, are things getting better and better? Or have you gotten stuck along the way? If you get stuck - how do you get unstuck? And no matter what happens, how do you foster a sense of collaboration, of being on the “same team” with your partner? Today’s guests, Ellyn Bader and Peter Pearson, have charted the course of how relationships develop - in fact, they created the “Developmental Model” for working with couples. Along with practical experience from having helped many couples, Ellyn and Peter are among the leaders in the field of training couples therapists to become more effective. Their book for therapists, In Quest of the Mythical Mate: A Developmental Approach to Diagnosis and Treatment in Couples Therapy is a classic that has stood the test of time - unlike many other books and theories that have come and gone. Today you’ll learn how to figure out where you’re stuck in your relationship, and how to be on the same team as you steer things back in a healthier direction.

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151: How to Stop Coping and Start Growing

151: How to Stop Coping and Start Growing

Jul 25, 2018 |

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You know all those ways that you've learned to cope over the years? The little things that you do that distract you from feeling uncomfortable, or bored, or stressed? While some coping strategies are positive for you, others rob you of the chance to actually either deal with what's there, or to fully experience the moment - to be present. Developing your ability to be present, to dive into the moment without distracting yourself, is the key to keeping things connected and energized with your partner. Today you're going to learn how to identify your coping strategies, decide whether they're serving you or not, and how to transform your habits of distraction and coping into new, positive habits.

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150: Attachment Styles and Relationship Repair - with Stan Tatkin

150: Attachment Styles and Relationship Repair - with Stan Tatkin

Jul 18, 2018 |

What’s the best way to overcome conflict in your relationship? How does it change based on your attachment style? And can you use what we know about our biology, and our memory, to keep a relationship from getting past the point of no return? In today’s episode, we’re blessed with a return visit from Stan Tatkin. Along with training couples therapists and conducting workshops for couples all over the world, Stan is the author of Wired for Love, Wired for Dating, and the recent audio program from SoundsTrue - RelationshipRx: Insights and Practices to Overcome Chronic Fighting and Return to Love. Stan’s work blends Attachment Theory with Interpersonal Neurobiology, helping couples leverage science to succeed in long term relationships. It’s always a treat to have him here on the show, and our conversation today will give you fresh insights into how to fight, how to repair, and how to transform conflict into something that helps you and your partner grow closer together.

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149: Getting Back Together with an Ex - Should You? How to do it right.

149: Getting Back Together with an Ex - Should You? How to do it right.

Jul 11, 2018 |

hould you get back together with your ex? How do you know if it's a good idea? And, once you've decided that it's a good idea, how do you get back together with the best chance of succeeding? Let's face it - things didn't work out the first time around. What can you do to prevent history from repeating itself? In today's episode, I'll give you the exact questions to ask (yourself, AND your ex) that will help you figure out whether or not it's a good idea. And then we'll cover what to do to increase your chances of getting it right this time around. Along the way, you'll learn great questions to ask yourself before you enter into ANY new relationship - or how to create a structure to support the relationship that you're currently in.

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147: A Simple, Radical Way to Improve Your Ability to Connect

147: A Simple, Radical Way to Improve Your Ability to Connect

Jun 27, 2018 |

What's stopping you from having the kind of connection with others that you want? Whether you're in a relationship and feeling stuck with your partner, or single and wondering how to connect with someone amazing - today's episode is for you. You're going to learn a simple way to shift how you interact with others that will open you up to a much more alive, dynamic, exciting way to connect. You'll also know how to recognize when it's time to make a boundary and NOT connect.

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146: How and Why to Have a Good Divorce - with Constance Ahrons

146: How and Why to Have a Good Divorce - with Constance Ahrons

Jun 19, 2018 |

What’s the recipe for a successful divorce? If you’ve tried everything, and it’s time to separate or get divorced - how do you do it well, so that you (and your soon-to-be-ex) emerge relatively unscathed? And if you have children, how do you ensure that they are also not traumatized by the process? In this week’s episode, our guest is Dr. Constance Ahrons, one of the world’s leading experts in how to navigate divorce well. Her book, The Good Divorce was a groundbreaking work that studied the effects of divorce on children - and identified exactly what kinds of post-divorce relationships had the best outcomes. In my conversation with Dr. Ahrons, you’ll learn exactly what to do, what not to do, and how to salvage a situation that’s already not going well.

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144: Extreme Self Care for a Healthy Relationship - with Cheryl Richardson

144: Extreme Self Care for a Healthy Relationship - with Cheryl Richardson

Jun 6, 2018 |

Have you ever felt like everyone else’s needs come first? Have you wondered how you’re supposed to show up in your relationship, or for your family, if you’re exhausted and not feeling nourished and supported yourself? How do you make the shift so that you feel full enough to have something extra to offer those around you? In today’s episode, we’re going to cover the art of Extreme Self Care - so that you can learn how to make boundaries and take better care of yourself (and why that’s so important for the health of your relationship). Our guest is Cheryl Richardson, professional coach and New York Times Bestselling author of several books, including Take Time for Your Life, and her most recent book, Waking Up in Winter. Cheryl Richardson was literally one of the first professional coaches, and her decades of experience will help you reclaim your life, find your center, and bring your best self to your relationships

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Podcast Reviews

  • Apologies are hard…
    December 13, 2024 by kaandcoco from Canada

    Thank you for the guidance on apologies. Our Mother died recently and the family dynamics have intensified! Triggers going off for everyone. Old wounds festering. I am and know many other “un-apologizers”. It has rarely seemed safe or sincere to apologize with in our family. It’s so difficult for me to sort through apologizing when I am not ready or simply don’t feel I should or can with sincerity. I see now it can be helpful to break it up into parts where possible. So important to begin de-escalating a conflict and the hurts and resentments that can build in the time following a real or perceived slight or conflict. Hopefully enough to create a space to return to when I have a better understanding of what dynamics are in play in myself. Once de-escalated I can agree to revisiting the situation and subsequently reassure myself and others that I value coming to a resolution. Hopefully avoiding or minimizing further misunderstandings in future. Great topic! Thank you

  • So happy I found your show!
    August 30, 2024 by DvGuts from United States

    Wonderful content. Please continue - you have so much valuable, beautiful information to share!

  • !!!
    June 9, 2024 by geminilibraleo from United States

    Glad this show is back!

  • What a great listen!
    October 25, 2022 by Claribelleee from Philippines

    This show is so real and authentic! Love the chemistry of the hosts of the guests!

  • Great show!
    September 4, 2022 by Kingxxelo from United States

    I listen to this every time I'm struggling with something .